<3 (r2grv) wrote in sim_notepad,
<3
r2grv
sim_notepad

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DANE COOK QUOTES!!!!

"HAHA, dude.. let's go out tonight and almost get arrested!! we can all like drop kick a police horse in the FACE and then run into the forest... hahahaha, then we'd all just be lying in the leaves with our beer, then I would be like, 'SHHHHH, I think they're coming, we're almost going to be arrested'"

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"Everyone owns monopoly, but they all hate it. You know why? Beucase 2 1/2 hours later you're saying: 'Fuck this game! It's 4 in the morning grandma, you win!' I hate it when you're the banker, where did you get those pink $50s you cheating whore! Don't fucking touch me grandpa! Nana's a cheating whore!"

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"Remember those Kool-aid commercials.. No with that big talking bowl of punch. He would come crashing through your fucking wall in your living room. You wouldn't even know... and "oh yeah... oh yeah.." and the little kids were all excited. "Oh yes!" And then they would drink out of him after debris fell in his open..dumb head. He would pour himself.. "Oh yeah.. Oh yeah!" Him and his crazy tights. I don't like that! I don't like when juice wears tights. It's a horrible combination.. a bowl of juice wearing tights! Fuck drinking out of him! If that was me I would be like "No No No... you fix that wall before my dad gets home from work. He's gonna beat me with the belt. He's not going to believe a talking bowl of fruit punch came in here, you stupid idiot! Yeah.. Coming through the wall is real fucking cool… using the front door is cool. Don't touch me you drink!! Don't touch me you giant beverage. You are sweating or condensating.. I will kick you in the tights and you will go down. You are very top heavy! You glass bitch.. You glass bastard. "oh yeah..." Oh NO! Naughty Naughty, Kool-aid!"

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"I would love to really kill someone with that knife. It'd be so easy to hide! it'd take forever though. But I'd put it in a little envelope hide it...even if they found it they'd be like 'AHA we found the bloody knife!' and I'd be like 'ah, but what ROOM did I kill him in?!'"

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I just wanted to spray shit with a hose. Thats what i really wanted to do. I wanted to be like a spray man. No I was fucking good, im not laughing i was really good with the hose. I could make it feel like it was raining. If you closed you eyes you would think it was raining that how good i was. You would be like oh my god its really raining, its very cold rain. Thats how good i was. Youre laughing, im not laughing. [on why he wanted to be a fireman]

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"When someone finally turns around and goes 'Hey, fuck you!'.. There's nothing better. You can't turn around and say, 'Oh, yeah? Fuck me? Well, uh.. GAYLORD.'"
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